Love Away, Unborn Near
by iluvmusicsomuch
Summary: Suppose Rhett were to have stayed away until the baby was born as Scarlett thought! What would Scalett do? Could one little change, make the story entirely different?
1. A Baby On the Way

Scarlett impatiently waited outside the door of Dr. Meade's home. She had been standing there for a long while and was near to craziness with impatience. Oh, when would the old fool realize she was there? Suddenly, fear filled her mind. For the last few days, she had encountered numerous headaches, nausea, cramps, and sudden drops of energy. _I'll knock this door down if he won't answer me!_ Her mind filled with rage. Here she was, nearly frightened to death, and the old doctor taking his time with nothing. In all her unhappiness and fear, she raised her fist and slammed it against the door with all her might. A chip of wood fell from the wooden and Scarlett smirked. _That ought to do him good _she thought satisfied. As if by magic, the door sprung open and there stood Doctor Meade. His smile faded when he saw her.

"Good evening Scarlett" he greeted coldly.

"Doctor Meade, I've been feeling sick lately" she grasped onto his tidy dark blue coat in all her frusteration.

"Come in then, and do let go of my coat, you're putting wrinkles into it" he led her inside into the plain house.

When Scarlett walked in, she realized that the house was almost empty, with only dusty furniture and dark walls. _Well they're lucky enough to have a house_ she thought bitterly, looking towards the old doctor.

"Please sit" Doctor Meade gestured to chair beside her, she fell backwards unto it and let out a deep breath.

"What appears to be the problem Scarlett" Dr. Meade inquired.

"Oh, I've been having this horrible nausea every morning and my sides always hurt. Not to mention how exhausted I've been" she complained in a petty sort of way.

"Indeed. Anything more?"

"Oh well, I think that's about it, except the nausea isn't what you think Dr. Meade. It's much worse. Oh and it hurts terribly"

Dr. Meade looked up at her with his normal disapproval and nodded. He then looked away as if thinking. Scarlett's heart pounded angrily. Oh what would she do if she was sick? Perhaps dying! Her green eyes flashed wildly at the idea of a deathly illness. Dr. Meade caught sight of this and sighed.

"It's most likely not deathly Scarlett" he turned his dark eyes on her.

"Yes Dr. Meade" she looked away.

"Dr. Meade-" cried a voice from the kitchen.

Scarlett turned away immediately as the voice could only belong to Mrs. Meade. She could hear footsteps and barely see the old woman as she entered the room. The frown on Mrs. Meade's face became even more grave as she cast her eyes on Scarlett.

"Good evening Mrs. Meade" Scarlett smiled poisonously sweet at the old woman's enraged face.

"Good evening Scarlett" Mrs. Meade turned towards Dr. Meade.

"I told you no customers tonight" she scolded, her nearly faded eyes turning with rage" tonight's the night when our dear boys..." her voice quivered and trailed off.

"I know Mrs. Meade. But Scarlett seemed quite eager for a checkup, and we shall be done soon" as Mrs. Meade left, he turned to Scarlett "I think I may know what the problem is, follow me" he left the room and headed for a even darker one, one that Scarlett knew too well.

Scarlett thanked Doctor Meade and left. Immediately her mind filled with mixed emotions. Just a second ago, Dr. Meade had told her she was pregnant. She should be angry, outraged, or murderous! But somehow, her heart filled with joy at the news, something it had never done. All her life, Scarlett has despised babies and small children, all but Ashley's children. Her mind filled with love at the slight thought of Ashley. With his handsome blonde hair and calm, gentle eyes. It was wonder someone like him was stuck with a small figure like Melanie! _Oh if only Melly were dead and I could have him _she dreamily thought. Although she was surely not carrying Ashley's baby, it was still a new chance at happiness. _At least I'll have someone who is mine and loves me _she thought. There was no doubt in her heart that she wanted this baby! Oh if only it were Ashley's and not Rhett's! When the doctor had told her she was pregnant. She could wonder how. But then her mind turned to that one night, that one awful night where Rhett had carried her up the stairs. Where she could do was surrender. But that was no matter now, she had a child and she was glad. As she approached her carraige her thoughts began to wander to Rhett and Bonnie who had been away about a month. In this time she had tried to socialize with her kids, failing miserably. Uncle Peter was waiting patiently in the carraige as she approached.

"You's alrought Miss Scarlett" asked Peter helping her in,

"I'm fine Uncle Peter" she responded cooly straightening her long rose-colored dress.

"Miss Scarlett, you's been at de doctah's" Uncle Peter pointed out grabbing hold of the reins.

"Fiddle-dee-dee, it was nothing, now drive" she snapped stretching her dress across the seat.

Uncle Peter reluctantly snapped the reins and began to drive. Scarlett wondered about Bonnie almost all the time, for she was her most beloved child. What a fine spirited beauty she was! Scarlett nearly bursted in pride whenever she saw her young daughter laugh or smile. If only Rhett would come home! She would write to him. But she diminished the thought as soon as it came for she only knew too well that Rhett would think she wanted him. But suppose he would still away till after the baby was born! Suppose he stayed away longer. She shook that idea out of her head and enjoyed the summer breeze, which lifter black hair high. As she was enjoying the breeze she almost didn't notice while they passed by the mills. Scarlett began to raise her voice to stop, for she wanted to see Ashley, but her voice died down with the wind. As they passed, sadness filled her heart. Oh why must've Ashley married a fool like Melly, who could only bear one child and had nothing to say for herself. She sat back down and dreamed of her life as Ashley's wife. She'd give him so many children! And she'd learn to love everything he'd come to love and smile with him. And she'd be a respectable lady and have the finest house. She smiled at the thought of his handsome blonde hair and shining eyes. He was meant to be in charge always, yet fate had not been kind to him.

"Miss Scarlett, we's on yo street" Peter announced,

Scarlett immediately snapped to attention.

"Yes Uncle Peter. Thank you" she looked over the side, as if she had lost her home.

But the Butler's mansion still stood high and tall and remained the most beautiful house on Peachstreet, or possibly in Atlanta. As they stopped by the house, Scarlett caught a glimpse of Wade and Ella playing in the backyard. She smiled, not at the thought of her two children, but the thought of her new child playing there. Of course they wouldn't play the silly ridiculous games Wade and Ella played, but the fine ones that were worth playing. Like the games Beau played and herself when she was young.

"Good night Uncle Peter" she stepped out of the carraige and flowed onto the pavement.

"Thankee Miss Scarlett" and with that, Peter drove off into the night.

Scarlett sighed and wrapped her light-colored shawl around her shoulders. Suddenly, Mammy came out of the house, looking unhappy,

"Miss Scarlett, Ah done tole ya and tole ya ter tell me where you is gwine. I was gwine ter go seerching for you when you done showed up" Mammy scolded.

"I was at Doctor Meade's Mammy. But I'm fine now" Scarlett began to go inside the house when Mammy grabbed her arm.

"Da doctah's? Was da mattre Miss Scarlett" Mammy voice was concerned.

"Nothing Mammy"

"Nuthin'? You's lyin' ter me 'gain. Ah knows ya Miss Scarlett! Was da mattre" Mammy now sounded angry.

Scarlett ripped her arm away from Mammy.

"If it pleases you, I'm going to have a baby!"

"A baby! Why Miss Scarlett! You and Mist' Rhett ain't nebber shawed a room since Miss Bonnie came. Huccome you gwine ter hab a baby ef you and Mist' Rhett..."

"Mammy that's enough! I'm awful tired, I'll be sleeping in my room" Scarlett turned towards the door only to be grabbed by Mammy again.

"Oh no you ain't. You's gwine ter eat evey lil' thing I done cooked. It ain't heathy for a lady carrin' a chile ter jes sleep and sleep widout eatin' none" Mammy voice was harsh and angry.

"For God's sake Mammy, I'm awful tired. Let me sleep" Scarlett looked unto Mammy with a tired, helpless expression.

"You kin go up ter yo baid, and Ah's gwine ter brin' you some supper"

"I don't feel like eating Mammy" Scarlett told her coldly.

"Oh you's gwine ter eat. Ah ain't gwine ter let ya miscarry, not wid dis chile on da way" Mammy pulled Scarlett up the steps roughly and into the house.

Scarlett's heart lifted as she entered the warm, comfortable house. She suddenly felt wam and tingly with feelings of love for her child. Oh if only the baby were a boy! A fine, spirited boy, not a little creature like Wade. He'd have Rhett's handsomeness and reckless look. Oh how she'd love him and smooth his way with money. And then she would be happy. For the first time, she felt as she could be happy without Ashley. Ashley! Her heart beat faster to think of him, and yet slower when it turned to Melanie or Rhett. _I won't think about it today _thought Scarlett unwillingly _I'll think about it tomorrow, or next week, or next month, whenever I can think. _She dropped her head in exhaustion as Mammy helped her up the stairs. Suddenly Prissy entered the room.

"Mammy, I done cooked suppa" squealed Prissy and then upon seeing Scarlett" Oh mah Lawd, es dat Miss Scarlett? Wus da matta wid her?"

Prissy raced up the stairs and shook Scarlett roughly.

"Git 'way you laze gal, Miss Scarlett done come home frum da doctah's ain she ain't doin' so well. Git back to da kitchen" Mammy scolded pushing the girl away.

"Yes" Prissy lifted her skirts and fled downstairs.

"Wuthless"" Mammy muttered in disgust as she helped Scarlett up the stairs.

"Mammy" Scarlett uttered barely in her exhaustion.

"Yas chile" Mammy's voice was smooth and kind.

"I want this baby" she whispered gravely "I really do"

Mammy looked up. These words nearly shocked the old woman for she had never known Scarlett to love anything besides herself, and she knew Scarlett was just as well ruined by her shape.

"Dat's good my lamb" Mammy told her rushing her to the room.

Scarlett barely lifted her head to see her room, which was now cold and dark. It had been this way since Rhett had left it, and since he had, the pleasure and liveliness of the room was forever gone. But to think Ashley would one day replace Rhett! Oh if that day ever came, Scarlett would bless God. But she was much to tired to think of how happy she'd be. Mammy quietly helped her undress and got her settled into bed. Scarlett turned head across the pillow and closed her eyes peacefully. She was unaware of Mammy leaving and silently closing the dark wooden door behind her. For a moment, Scarlett wondered why she hadn't fallen asleep right away and was even more shocked to see Mammy rush in carrying her food tray.

"Hyah you go Miss Scarlett, fresh and worm. Now eat" Mammy placed the tray evenly over Scarlett's body.

Scarlett reached out and attempted to lift the spoon, but failed miserably. She sighed and tried again but failed. _God's nightgown! I'm just like that ninny Melanie _Scarlett irritated herself with both the thought of Melanie and of her being like her. This time, she caught the spoon squarely and began to eat. The food, although being simple, now tasted more wonderful than anything she ever had in New Orleans. Ignoring Mammy's hard glance, she said a silent prayer to God and continued to eat until she had completely finished. Without a single word, Mammy took the tray and left leaving Scarlett who added another prayer.

"Dear God, if you're out there, I've been mighty good these days, and now I'm carrying a child. Rhett's child. I so wish it was Ashley's but I know it's Rhett's. Please let me carry my baby and not end up like that ninny, not being able to have any more children, not that I'd want to give Rhett any more children, but when I'm with Ashley. Oh please give me Ashley Lord, I'll do anything! I'll be a wonderful stepmother to Beau and I'll be a kind mother to Wade and Ella if only you let me have my Ashley. My Ashley. Please Lord. Amen" Scarlett smiled at the thought of Ashley.

She had to have Ashley! Any woman who loved a man had him, she had to love Ashley. Afterall, there was never a man Scarlett wasn't in reach of. Yet she wanted Ashley. Why she could kill Melanie if she and Ashley could be together forever! She smiled again, this time even brighter. They would be together. They'd have to end up together! It was the only for Scarlett to be happy. She needed him. She needed him. She needed him.


	2. Wade and Ella

Scarlett sat next to the window sill, sewing. Her eyes were not the on the lovely blue bonnet she was sewing, but on Wade and Ella who were playing. It was a relief to finally be out of her bed after having to stay in it for so long! But Mammy always made her sleep and rest for the first two months of pregnancy. Friends had come to visits, like Melanie, Ashley, Aunt Pittypat, and Uncle Henry. But it was Ashley's visits that delighted her. He would bring her lovely gifts, not like the ones Rhett had bought her, but such kind, beautiful gifts. But something had bothered her about Ashley. He seemed so awfully tiresome these days and sad too. His fine blonde hair now appeared gray and there were always dark circles under his sad blue eyes. She only wanted to cry, and comfort him. Tell him how much she loved him and how she'd help him! But Scarlett knew too well that Ashley was much too respectable for that and that would only lead a bad conversation, and she could not risk that. Instead, they had talked along happily, sparing topics such as the war, the old days, or Melanie, which Scarlett was happy to avoid. They had talked about the new days, their plans, and of course the mills, although Scarlett was sure to not peer into it. His visits were the only pleasant ones, for when Melanie visited, she couldn't keep her mealy mouth on any topic but the new baby. _She's just jealous that I can have as many babies as I like and she can only have one _Scarlett thought. But at least Melanie didn't faint at the fact she was pregnant like Aunt Pitty did. Scarlett had been surprised that the old lady didn't know already. Then there was Uncle Henry. Scarlett could tell from his eyes that he had been forced to come, and luckily that didn't bother her one bit. Uncle Henry was cold and hardly polite, sparing all words of kindness or excitement. She was simply glad when his visit was over.

Scarlett turned her eyes back to the bonnet. It would be much like the one Rhett had given her long ago, when he helped her out of mourning. This time it would be Bonnie's. The only child of her's who deserved such a beautiful bonnet. _Why, I wouldn't mind wearing it myself _Scarlett thought satisfactedly. Surely Bonnie would love it! It would be Scarlett's gift to the young girl when she came back. If she ever came back. _I mustn't think about it _Scarlett told herself and cast her eyes on the children playing outside. Wade was romping with his St. Bernard dog, which had been a gift from his mother. He seemed to enjoy it, and always kept it out of Scarlett's way, or anyone's way for the matter, except for Melanie. Scarlett cringed at the thought of Melanie. Why did Wade have to love her so? It was clear that Ashley and Beau were the center of her life, not Wade. Why was it that children could be so foolish? Scarlett could never remember ever in her life that she was anywhere near foolishness. But yet Wade and Ella-. She shook her head, she'd think of something else. But what was there to think about. Perhaps Bonnie and the new baby. Bonnie with her dazzling black hair and blue eyes shining with Irish pride. Bonnie was so much like Gerald! _She'll be an amazing horseman _too Scarlett thought in pride _she's certainly got the wit and build for it. _She'd be a wonderful horsewoman. Not a crazy old lady like Mrs. Tarleton, but a fine, beautiful horsewoman with overpowering pride and spirit. Why'd she be a belle! A beautiful southern belle. _Just like me_ Scarlett's pride overwhelmed her and she giggled foolishly. Yes! Men would swarm around Bonnie and flirt with her. Of course any man who laid eyes on Bonnie would have to get through Rhett. Scarlett's spirits lowered at the thought of Rhett. His dark, curious face and secretiveness. For the first time, Scarlett could not understand Rhett. Rhett had so many stories and secrets that lay inside a broken heart. Scarlett almost snickered. Rhett with a broken heart was like a belle with an ugly face. Ella crossed her mind as she thought that. What would Ella look like when she was older? Would she be, unfortunate looking like she was now, or possibly, if at all, pretty.

"Miss Scarlett" cried Prissy running into the room.

"What is it Prissy" Scarlett asked, irritated.

"I done made suppa fo' ya"

"I'll be right down" Scarlett answered casting her eyes on the children playing outside before heading downstairs.

Wade Hampton Hamilton got up onto his feet after hitting a branch on a tree while running. With tears in his soft brown eyes, he wiped his trousers off, knowing Mammy would certainly yell at him if she found out. Wade cringed at the thought of Mammy yelling. He'd get the worst of it, didn't he always? Wade looked over in tears of frusteration at his dog who plopped down lazily on the grass. Wade had been trying for days to get her to run, but she wouldn't. Channel, as Wade called her, was a lazy dog, mostly sleeping and eating, but was Wade's companion and friend, for the boy never ate or slept without him.

"Chan! Come here girl" Wade called taking a dog whistle out of his pocket.

The dog did not stir but looked even more bored than before. Wade slammed the whistle back into his pocket and ran towards the dog who seemed in another world. When he finally caught up to her, he gripped both her paws and gave a yank. Chan yelped in surprise but played along and bit Wade's hand playfully. Wade laughed in relief and jumped on top of the dog and wrestled. Wade and Chan rolled over and over until they reached the pond and Channel's weight almost pushed poor Wade into the pond. But regardless, the boy got to his feet, laughing playfully. Something ached in his heart. Something he could not explain. It had been there since he was little and remained there for the rest of his life. Wade let out a girlish sigh and kicked the dust. This went into Chan's eyes and she nearly went wild, running at top speed towards the slightly open gate. In fear of losing his only real friend and companion, Wade chased after her in vain, screaming at the top of his lungs. However Chan kept on going. Unfortunately, Wade was no where near a fast runner and could not catch up, fortunately for him, Channel stopped at the gate,as if waiting to be let out. Wade let out a high pitch of laughter as he lunged toward the gate and gathered Channel in his arms into a large hug.

"Come on girl" he called cheerfully, leading his dog back to their playing spot. While they were walking, Wade caught sight of Ella playing with her dolls alone by the barns. This surprised Wade, for anyone knew that Ella was afraid or all animals, especially horses. But even a dumb child like Ella would know that locked up horses were safer than a loose dog. Wade sucked in his breath when he thought of Ella. He despised Ella, almost above everything, for she was silly and ridiculous. And of course ugly. It was no wonder that Ella had no friends. She always spent time playing with ugly dolls, playing stories that changed every few seconds. But Ella appeared to like Beau, and always hung around him. Beau was honorable enough to compliment her and play with her, or least not be rude. To Wade, Beau was an utmost amazing person, like Aunt Melly. They were the only two people Wade felt at ease with. Wade suddenly wanted to see Melly and Beau, but knowing that the night was coming near, he decided against it. He could hear Ella's chattering to her dolls and despite his anger towards them, listened.

"But why won't you marry me" asked Ella sweetly playing the male doll who appeared to look a bit like Uncle Ashley.

"Because I hate you" she answered back playing a pretty doll that suspiciously resembled Mamie Bart who always used to come around.

Ella then squirmed her tiny chubby face in confusion and shrugged.

"Let's go for a picnic"she suggested picking up a doll that looked a bit like Beau except it was a girl.

"Okay" she said using her original Mamie Bart doll.

She pretended to walk the two off together and smiled sweetly, in a way that dazzled Wade since he had never seen his younger sister act so bell-like.

"Of couse you can stay for tea" she said sweetly, using another doll with long blonde hair.

"Yay" she responded making her Ashley doll jump by throwing it into the air.

"Let's dance" she suggested herself to the Ashley doll.

To Wade's surprise, Ella stood up and began to prance gracefully around the yard, her turquoise dress flying along. Another thing about Ella was her lack of attention. Although the girl had quite a sense of fashion, she never seemed to pay attention to what fit and what didn't. She always wore a white petticoat, as Wade learned by watching her dance around. Ella's long red hair flew around. Her feet appeared to fly off the ground whenever she took a step. Wade, who knew Ella to be absent-minded and inproper. Yet seeing her with such charms-. Wad cut that off from his mind. He wouldn't think of that now. Ella had a long way to go to become a southern belle. A very long way.

"Wade! Come dance with me" Ella shrieked.

"Eeww, no" Wade stepped backwards and squirmed his face at the thought.

"C'mon" she cried stopping to look at him.

Before Wade could say no, Ella twirled around dizzily and fell down.

"Ooohhh! My tummy hurts" she whined rolling over to her side.

While Wade turned all his attention to Ella, he didn't notice young Channel pulling away from his tiny, weak hand. He laughed when she sat up and laughed a shrill, awkward laughter that made Wade uneasy.

"See Wade!" she cried rolling over back onto her stomach, picking up her dolls.

Wade stepped backwards and all of a sudden, Channel let loose, running across the yard. Ella screamed in fear and ran towards the barn, now crying.

"Shuttup" Wade shouted in frusteration to his little sister as he went to chase the dog who was heading towards the fence. The dog couldn't do one trick! Yet she could open a gate better than Wade could himself.

"Channie! Come here girl" he whistled loudly, but the dog didn't stop.

He wasn't aware of little Ella following closeby and caught her by surprise when he turned around. She ran right into him and the two tumbled down. Channel had opened the gate and was running away. Wade tried in vain to shove Ella off him, who clung to him, sobbing.

"Get off me" he cried struggling with all his might.

Finally Ella let go, enough for Wade to wriggle loose and get to his feet. He then took off at a run. Ella watched him with tears in her green eyes. She was certainly a fearful child, and running after a loose dog seemed like going to hell itself. But even Ella's little, absent mind knew that older people knew best, and if Wade thought running after the dog was good, Ella would follow him.

"Wade! Waitup" she screamed picking up her dirty skirts to run after him.


	3. A Visit to Auntie's

"Miss Scarlett!" screamed Prissy running into Scarlett's room.

"Great balls of fire! Can't I get any rest" Scarlett snapped sitting up from her bed.

"Mist Wade and Miss Ella done gone long 'go" Prissy wailed

"Good heaven's Prissy! Search for them" Scarlett was now awake.

"Is too dahk! An' Ah doan lak de dahk" Prissy was sobbing at the top of her high pitched voice.

Scarlett placed her feet on the ground, they felt weak, but she knew she'd have to do something. Afterall, Wade and Ella were her children.

"Where do you think they went. And wipe off those ridiculous tears! I'm sick of you always crying" Scarlett tried to stand, but was forced down by her own weight.

"Ah doan know! Ah seed dem playin' 'bout two owrs 'go. Den Ah din see dem no mo'" Prissy's cries lowered greatly but still annoyed Scarlett.

"Did I not tell you to hush up that ridiculous crying? Did you check Melly's house" Scarlett asked trying in vain to stand up again.

"Ah din cheek nowhar. I waz too sceered" Prissy whispered fearfully.

"You fool! You lazy, worthless black fool" Scarlett wanted to strike Prissy but could not even get to her feet.

Prissy burst into tears again and wiped her face on her dirty apron. With a final lift, Scarlett got to her feet. She now felt even more exhausted and almost fell to the ground. Why did children take up so much energy? Or at least this child. She had been tired when she was going to have Wade, Ella, and Bonnie. But they never made her this tired, or nasueous. She wanted to throw up, but held it in. She made her way to the sobbing Prissy and grabbed the girl's blouse with all her might.

"Get mammy!" her voice was much more gentle then she had planned.

"Yes'm" Prissy sobbed and raced out of the door.

Scarlett could hear young Prissy run down the hall and sighed. Wade and Ella gone? That was certainly a shock. Why, the two children were so obedient that they would cut off their little heads if it pleased Scarlett at all. Perhaps the dog had gotten loose. Scarlett knew from experience of Channel's tricks. She had been taking a walk with Rhett long ago when the dog had tackled her. She yelled at Wade and had him thrown outside. Later, she had him join for dinner where they didn't discuss the matter further, luckily for poor Wade. Since then the boy had been smart enough to put something in front of the gate. Perhaps he had taken it down and forgot to put it back up. What a fool! Scarlett dragged herself to the closet and took out a dress. She could hear the shuffling of feet below and panicked. Suppose they left without her? Scarlett, although she had never wanted her children, was still desperate to find them. She stood higher and put on the dress. She staggered outside the door where she could see Mammy and Prissy getting ready to leave.

"Wait" she called out in a blood-curling scream.

Both Mammy and Prissy turned with schocked faces.

"Lo'd Gawd. Was you dwine outter bed" Mammy shouted back hurrying up the staircase to Scarlett, who rested on the railing.

"I want to come" Scarlett panted bending over.

"No you ain'. You's gwine rought back ter baid" Mammy began to pull Scarlett towards the door but Scarlett ripped her hand away.

"They're my children! I'm going" Scarlett began to walk downstairs and almost tripped.

"Look at yoseff! You ain' gwine nowhar, nebber!" Mammy practically carried a reluctant Scarlett back up.

"No Mammy" Scarlett could barely make out the words.

"Ah ain' lettin ya git outta dis hause eb you is ti'ed" Mammy whispered fiercly.

With all her might, Scarlett ripped away from Mammy and trotted down the stairs with surprising strength. And to more surprise, she didn't feel tired. She then turned to Prissy.

"Let's go" she said cooly.

Mammy hurried down the stairs furiously.

"Miss Scarlett! You's gwine rought back ter baid rought now! Ah haid 'nough on mah han's widout you runnin' round da house when carrin' a chile!"

"Let me go Mammy. I'll handle it. Believe me. I'm not trying to miscarry, like I told you, I really want this child and I can't wait for it to come. If I feel tired, I'll go home" Scarlett told her unwavering.

Mammy looked softer and just let down her head.

"Ef Ah jes caitch ya doin' nythin' dat 'cerns me. Ah weel pull ya baick hyah. You unnerstanin'.

"Yes Mammy" Scarlett responded.

Mammy shot her one hard look and opened the door. Scarlett wrapped herself more into her shawl and felt nice and warm. This feeling was taken away as soon as she stepped outside, like being pulled away by the hand. Scarlett froze in her footsteps. Oh suppose Wade and Ella were somewhere out here! Why they would freeze themselves! Suddenly, Scarlett's heart filled with worries of the two children until she could no longer stay quiet.

"Oh where could they be?" Scarlett moaned under her breath.

Mammy turned to her in surprise and lifted her lamp a bit higher so that Scarlett could see clearer. The worry in her heart did not release but lifted a bit and Scarlett stood up higher. If she went crazy, she'd never find Wade or Ella.

"Let's check Melly's" she announced and then to herself "where else would they go?"

Mammy and Prissy led with lamps in their hands. Scarlett was right behind them. She wrapped herself in the blue shawl she had brung. It was also one Rhett had brought her. She tried not to think of Rhett and now felt unhappy and insecure whenever she did. For the first time, she felt as though she needed him. She didn't love him any better, but it was nice knowing he was around. And Bonnie. Scarlett thought of the halfway finished blue bonnet which lay on a coffee table upstairs. She'd finish it within the week, and then maybe make a bonnet for Ella. Not one as pretty as Bonnie's, since Scarlett wasn't going to waste pretty fabrics on something, that thanks to Ella's clumbsiness, would eventually get torn. She'd make a light green one, Ella had torn her old one the week before and sobbed over it for a few seconds, and then started laughing. And after that she would make a blanket for the new baby. Oh she had so much to do! Maybe she'd go see the mills afterward, to check up on the standards, and Ashley. As they imerged in the darkness, Scarlett's mind turned to Melanie almost without hate. Surely Melly would help her with the baby. This would be Scarlett's last baby with Rhett and that was sure. Then Scarlett would work again as she did. It seemed funny to her now that whenever men talked of work, they groaned. _Work's not so stressful _thought Scarlett cheerfully. It wasn' even stressful when she was poor. It was a wonder why only men worked! _The other women are such fools _Scarlett told herself with much hate _they can't even see that they're going against themselves. I'd like to knock their respectable heads together! _Yes, she'd like to do that. Scarlett could barely see Melanie's house on the end of the block. There was no doubt in her heart that Wade and Ella were there, as she could hear the playful shouting of Beau and the others together. Scarlett sighed in relief. For the first time, she was thankful that they loved Melanie so much.

"They're here" Scarlett cried joyfully.

Mammy and Prissy nodded and quickened their pace, ignoring Scarlett's exhaustion. Scarlett tried to keep up, but decided to stay behind rather than miscarry. Suddenly Mammy turned around and frowned. Scarlett groaned for she knew that Mammy would be concerned.

"I done tole ya not ter come, Miss Scarlett" Mammy told her.

"I'm not so tired, I don't want to trip or fall either" Scarlett responded cooly finally catching up with them.

Mammy nodded and grabbed onto her shawl to make sure she didn't leave her again and they advanced towards Mammy's. Scarlett could barely see Prissy trembling with all her little might. This probably reminded her of the days at Tara. _She'll be lucky if she doesn't die thinking of the past _Scarlett thought satisfactedly. Before they could even reach the door, it swung open. Melanie stepped out and her smile widened when she saw Scarlett.

"Scarlett! Mammy! Prissy! Come in" she stepped backwards to let her guests in.

Mammy thanked her and led Scarlett in with Prissy at her heels. Melanie looked as always with her long hair hanging down her back with a lilac dress. However something was different in her eye. It was full of happiness and pride. Perhaps she had playing with the children and was thinking of the new baby. Mammy sat Scarlett down on a chair at the dining table and Prissy sat beside the fire, her black face almost red with the flame.

"Is Wade and Ella-" Scarlett began to ask but Melanie's smile stopped her.

"Yes dear" Melanie responded as if Scarlett didn't know.

"Is yo husban' comin' home" Mammy asked eyeing Scarlett suspiciously.

"Oh soon! He's working late at the mills. They're doing wonderfully, Scarlett. I think he's getting so much better at business" Melanie swooned in a godess-like voice.

"Mammy nodded and went to sit next to Prissy. Scarlett's energy immediately drained and she flopped over onto the table.

"I don't think I've ever seen you so tired dear. Is the baby hurting you much?" Melanie's voice annoyed Scarlett.

"A bit" she responded quite gently.

"It's most likely a boy then" announced Melly turning her eyes to the children playing outside.

Scarlett didn't say anything but turned her head wishing she could sleep.

"How's everything dear? Have you heard from Rhett?" Melanie softened her voice at the mention of Rhett.

"Mmm" Scarlett hummed ignoring Melanie's question.

As soon as the children entered the room, Scarlett sat up. They brought Channel in with them who was barking with all his might. Scarlett grew frusterated.

"Great balls of fire Wade!" she shouted "Shut that ridiculous dog up"

The room grew very quiet and Wade turned purple with embarrasment. He then pushed Channel out the door who whimpered and scratched, all the children flinched at the noise for they hated the sounds of a sad animal, even Ella.

"Wade dear!" Melanie sighed in exasperation "I'm sorry about that, your mother is very tired. You should try to be more careful"

The purple faded from Wade's face and he smiled. He loved Aunt Melly with all his little heart. Any words from her were a comfort to him. Melly in return loved her nephew for he was much like Charles. She wished that all the children were her own secretly, but in a way was happy that they were Scarlett's, for she knew that anything which made Scarlett happy was good. Melanie could see that Scarlett loved Wade and Ella. She just loved them in her own way. _She's so tired right now _Melanie told herself lovingly _she'd shout at Ashley himself. _Her mind filled with more love at the thought of Ashley and Beau. Oh how blessed she was to have a beautiful boy and a wonderful husband, with many friends, a sister, and her children who loved her. _God has been to me_ Melanie promised herself. He'd given her everything. She could've been an old maid, she could've been a widow, she could've been motherless, dead, lonely, and yet she was married, alive, healthy, and well. If only God would grant her with a little baby girl! Oh how good she'd be! Life was full of "what ifs" and "if onlys". _I mustn't think about it _Melanie told herself _I'll go crazy with hate if I do. _All of a sudden the door burst open and in walked Ashley.

"Beau! Melly!" he called.

Melanie jumped up from her chair, forgetting Scarlett and ran towards Ashley who picked her up in a hug which was followed by a passionate kiss. Scarlett barely caught a sight of this and was pained. If only Ashley would do that to her! He loved her didn't he? Of couse he did! Anyone would be a fool to love Melanie, and Ashley was not a fool. _He wishes he never married that mealy-mouthed ninny _Scarlett promised herself. And she convinced herself this was true. Little Beau burst in and ran into his father's arms which swung him around. Wade and Ella even followed who were embraced in return. What a good father Ashely would be to them! However when Ashley saw her, his smile faded and he gave his arm to both Beau and Melanie.

"Good evening Ashley" Scarlett greeted in the most loving way she could with all her exhaustion.

"Good evening Scarlett! You are staying for dinner?" he asked moving towards her with Melanie still clutching onto his arm.

Stay for dinner? Oh she couldn't live through that! She couldn't bear to see Melanie on Ashley's arm with him kissing her. She shook her head to Melly's surprise and stood up from her chair.

"No! I'm much too tired. Come on Wade, Ella. You've caused enough trouble for the day" she responded and headed for the door.

Wade and Ella looked at Melly pleadingly. Melanie broke away from Ashley's arm.

"Scarlett! Wade and Ella wanted to stay here overnight, they are awfully tired from running for that dog. Do you mind if they stay here?"

Scarlett turned around slowly and released the knob. She thought about it. They had scared enough! Suppose Channel were to get loose again? What on Earth would they do after that? But on the other hand, she was too tired to deal with either of them and too ashamed to even look at them. Nevertheless, she didn't want either of them staying at Aunt Melly's. But then again-.

"All right, you can stay" she told them before retreating out of the house.

She could hear the cheering of the family in the house and tears ran down her cheeks. Oh how lonely she was! With no real husband, no children who loved her, and no friends besides Melanie, who wasn't even counted to be a friend.

"Miss Scarlett! You git baick hyah" Mammy called from the porch, and ran after Scarlett.

When she caught up to her, she could see Scarlett's tears and suddenly put her hand on her shoulder.


	4. To The Barricades Of Childhood

It was the first time in days that Scarlett could go outside and sit. It was bright outside and midday with all the pleasant features Georgia always beheld. In the Butler's backyard, yellow and red flowers were gleaming and moving with the wind as if a to nature's musical beat. It reminded Scarlett of the old days and parties back then. These memories still pained her but they were so much easier to carry now. The first part of life was girlhood, then came marriage. Scarlett sighed. Most women talked of marriage being just as good as girlhood, and somewhat fun with children. The only child she'd ever had "fun" with was Bonnie. To Scarlett, marriage was so dull, sometimes it seemed right to get a divorce. Even so, Scarlett rarely thought of divorce and it brang horror, unless Ashley was free. But Ashley would never be free. Scarlett didn't think further on the topic, for she knew she would go crazy with love for Ashley, and hate for Melanie.

Wade and Ella were playing as usual out in the yard. However it was rare to see them play together without Beau as they were today. Perhaps they came to an agreement. How would Ella ever come to something like that? She had no idea what the word even meant! Wade had surely done something, maybe he convinced her. Scarlett could only catch a little of what they were playing. Both were running, holding sticks (meant to be swords as Scarlett guessed) and throwing pebbles. Scarlett wanted to shout at them to be careful but couldn't find the will. It would be their own fault if they got hurt. Today the children looked different than usual. It was fresh outside with a gentle breeze. Wade's cheeks were flushed, his eyes excited and delighted. He no longer had a rabbit caught in a trap look. Instead, he looked free and happy, almost like Beau looked normally. Ella also looked different. The simple, quiet look in her eyes, was replaced by cheerfulness, and pride, then again, almost like Bonnie's. Her red hair was combed and tied back for once by a green ribbon, matching the little girl's eyes. Scarlett had never noticed Ella's green eyes before, and they looked shockingly like her's. Ella's dress was laced properly and neatly. It was a pretty white dress with green trimmings. Rhett had bought it for her before Bonnie was born. Wade was wearing normal boy clothing and was barefoot. Scalett looked down at her stomach. It had grown a quite a bit since the last month and it was now three months into the pregnancy. The nausea decreased for the most part, but the pains and aches still hung on.

For some reason, Scarlett longed to see Melanie and Beau. It certainly seemed like a good idea. Perhaps Melanie would come by later with Beau. Scarlett wanted to talk to her, however she did not know what. She could not remember one time in her life that she wanted Melanie even near her! Scarlett also wanted to play with Beau, Wade and Ella. She was tired of sitting down and desperately wanted to do something, even if it was sewing and talking with the old matrons of Atlanta. However, Mammy was strict and refused to let her go anywhere. Scarlett could never understand why pregnant women were always humored like little children. This would be her fourth child and she needed no comforting, or preparation. At least Rhett never humored her when pregnant. She did not think of Rhett or Bonnie for she knew any thought of them would spoil a pleasant day. The brightness, and livliness of the day almost reminded her of days at Tara. Scarlett missed Tara more than anything in her life. She'd visit as soon as the baby was born, whether Rhett was there or not. She needed it badly. To be near the red Earth and cotton fields would be like being near her mother. Scarlett sighed at the thought of her mother. How Ellen would have loved to see Wade all grown and beginning to look like his father! And she would've loved Ella too and have been proud of her red hair and little giggles and smiles! But Scarlett felt that Ellen, like herself, would pick Bonnie as a favorite. There was no doubt in Scarlett's mind that the flying back hair, and prideful blue eyes would dazzle Ellen more than anything. And Gerald too. How proud Gerald would be to see how much little Bonnie was like him! Life was so full of "if onlys". If only Ashley hadn't married Melanie. If only Rhett loved her. If only Wade and Ella were as perfect as Bonnie. If only Suellen wasn't so petty and poor-spirited and Carreen so foolish and dreamy. If only...

Wade did have some trickery from his mother in him. He knew better than anyone that Ella was a dimwitted little mite and had no more sense than a goat. The boy usually wanted nothing to do with Ella or her little frantic plays and stories, but today was different. Mostly ever Friday, Wade went to play with Beau at Melly's. But Beau, Melanie, and Ashley were celebrating that day and Mammy had scolded him for even wanting to go. Wade, who respected anything that meant something good to Melly or Beau decided it was for the best and stayed. Channel, as lazy and useless as the dog was, was sleeping upstairs in Wade's room. Prissy had informed him that the dog was to have a puppy. This fact made Wade's day happier and bright, for he longed for a lively new puppy. Ella was immediately frightened by the fact, as she was scared of all dogs. Wade felt much like playing and knew that only Ella could accompany him. He offered her three dollars if she played and she very gladly took it. Wade did not have three dollars and knew immediately that when she got fairly into the game, she would forget the offer. Of course Ella took the offer and they started to play. Wade selected the game "war" from which he played with Beau. In Wade's childish view, War was the most wonderful game ever played, for it allowed him to scream and yell, and be a soldier while not getting hurt. Nothing was more fun than this. They used sticks as swords and real unloaded pistols, which belonged to Uncle Rhett. They also threw all the fruit they could find and even Ella's dolls for cannons. Ella seemed to love the game just as much as Wade. She playfully created her own barricade, even better than Wade's, and had quite a plan. She only wished that her mother, Bonnie, and Beau would play as well, so there would be more fun.

Ella, of course, was always misjudged. Although, being silly and absent-minded, as Scarlett predicted, she had real thoughts and dreams and might be considered as a mixture of the gentle, dreamy Carreen, and the petty, annoying Suellen, with a bit of her own mother. She did not forget about the money Wade had offered, but found the game so fun, she let it go. She had chosen the scene they would play. It was not from the Civil War, as Wade eventually learned, but _from Les _Miserables which Melanie had told them of. Melly had never read the book to them, nor offered, but Ella secretly hoped that her own mother would read. Ella, like Wade, loved her mother very much, and feared her. She did not fear her as much as Wade did, or as little as Bonnie did. Ella, in her own little four year-old mind, only wished that Scarlett would read to her once in a while. Ella knew that in her own little world, she would be five soon, and Bonnie three. She also loved Bonnie very much as a sister. The two, besides their differences, like Scarlett and Melanie, as Ella could record, were bonded together. They always had plans to gain Scarlett's attention and laughed and giggled. Ella never envied Bonnie, even for all of Bonnie's beauty, pride, and attention, but cherished her own. Ella was no beauty, as we have learned, but she knew how to act charming, even at her own little age. Ella dreamed of her mother's attention over her Aunt Melly's. She dreamed that one day, her mother would laugh, swing her around, kiss her, and hug her as Melanie did to Beau. She also wanted to be cared for, to be loved, read to, cherished. And she believed her dream would come true. Another of dreams was being a beautiful southern belle. She wanted to be beautiful, charming, flirty, graceful, and dazzling. She wanted men to swarm around her, admire her, fight with each other to dance with her. She wanted everything a child wanted. In some way, she dreamed of Beau. She had a strange liking for him that she concealed nearly all the time. She secretly Beau "liked" her too. And maybe one day, he would kiss her. He would kiss her like Uncle Rhett used to kiss her mother, or Uncle Ashley kissed Aunt Melly. She happily tossed one of her pretty dolls at Wade which hit him in the forehead, knocking him over. He burst into laughed and rolled over in the dirt.

"I'll get you" he shouted picking up an orange and tossing it with all his might towards Ella.

Ella screamed and dove behind the barricade. Scarlett finally gave up. She couldn't conceal her desperation any longer. She ran down to the tiny barricade where Ella hid behind. Ella looked up at her in surprise followed by Wade. The three stared at each other. Wade's lip quivered and his entire body shook with fear. Suppose she would scold him for almost hurting Ella? Or anything else! Ella felt shy and awkward at once and fell silent. Scarlett looked at the two with sadness. In her heart, she only wanted to play with them.

"What are you playing" she asked firmly.

Wade and Ella looked at each other in quivering silence and shrugged.

"You've got to be playing something!" Scarlett insisted sharply, touching Ella's barricade with a slight brush of her hand.

She then turned her eyes to Ella and smiled. It was a sickly smile, but it made Ella release her fear.

"We're playin' war!" she announced softly.

"War? Which war" Scarlett bent down close to Ella who seemed to grab onto her fear again. This time Wade spoke up.

"It's a battle Ella chose" he piped us shrilly.

"Really?" Scarlett cast her eyes back on Ella.

"From a book" she answered so softly that she could not be heard.

Scarlett had no intention to pry further into the subject and stood up.

"I think I'll go along, for a change. It seems as though you've made quite a... work of art Ella" she tried her hardest to sound kind and warm, but instead served her words cold and frigid.

Wade and Ella nodded and continued with their game. Scarlett felt like an outsider in the happy world of children, but grabbed up a stick and hit Ella's. Excitement flowed into the little girl's eyes and she struck back, careful not to hit Scarlett, fearing of upsetting her. They continued to fight, while Wade threw "cannons" at them. Like Ella, he was careful to not hit Scarlett but tried to enjoy himself. It is no happy thing for a child who is so afraid of their mother to have to play with them. Poor Wade felt so shy and afraid, he could've died of it right on the spot. Scarlett ducked behind the barricade and laughed. It was something she would've definetley enjoyed hanging off as a child. Ella jumped onto it, and when Wade's fruit cannon hit, she fell backwards and played dead. Scarlett laughed merrily and watched as Wade climbed onto a tree and lifted his musket in such a fine, man-like way. Scarlett touched Ella's arm and the little head popped up and a smile crossed it. Scarlett then looked pointedly at a nearby doll. As if secretly communicating with her mother, Ella picked up the doll, and flung it at Wade. Wade lost his balance and fell onto the floor. Luckily for him, he had climbed down a notch and was wearing well-proctective boy clothes. Ella cried in victory and threw another doll and then turned to Scarlett.

"Are you on my army, or Wade's" she asked cheerfully and then changed the subject "How do wars form?"

Scarlett grew annoyed at this statement, and knowing Ella too well, she picked up a doll and whisked it at Wade. It hit him and he cried out and fell onto the floor.

"I suppose this means victory for general Kennedy and I" Scarlett called out.

Wade got up and sheepishly nodded. Ella suddenly realized how close she was to her mother. She wanted to grasp her mother's hand but instead, backed away. Scarlett tried to pay no attention to this, but it still hurt her, in a way. She looked down at Ella with a authoritic face.

"What's that book you got this battle from?"

"The one Auntie reads all da time" Ella whispered.

Scarlett immediately knew the exact book and nodded. She then headed towards the house, the glow of playing with her children almost gone. Never in her life, did she picture having so much fun with Wade or Ella. But it was clearly there and Scarlett knew it. She did not love her children any better. But she now understood some of their childish games and fun, and it made her happy.


	5. Here We Go Again, The Inseperable Vow

Scarlett walked out of the mansion with her head held high. She was certain she looked her prettiest with her cheeks flushed with delight and her green eyes dancing. She wore a small violet bonnet from when she was sixteen and a flowing dark purple dress. It was only three months into the pregnancy and Scarlett's stomach had grown immensely. It now seemed that she had gained weight. She did not like the difference but gladly carried it. Besides, it did not matter anymore. No one would notice. Not even Ashley. Scarlett was going to the mills for the first time in a long time. To check on the business and to strike up a talk with Ashley. She certainly needed it after all the isolation with her two silent, shy children and the servants. She hoped that he was not working late so they could perhaps go for a walk or out for dinner. Any time with Ashley would mean the world to her. She only needed to get out without Mammy noticing. If Mammy noticed, it would not be as fun as Scarlett had hoped. _Why not _Scarlett thought _she'll ruin everything for me if she gets the chance. _Uncle Peter cursed unhappily at the horses as he hitched them to the did not notice Scarlett until a few moments later and begged her pardon heartily. She forgave him and hopped into the cart, hoping Uncle Peter would drive away as fast as possible. Peter climbed into the driver's seat and looked back at Scarlett.

"You's gwine whar?" he asked.

"Ashley's mill" she answered slowly, hoping Peter didn't take it wrong.

The old darkie didn't seem to misunderstand and simply nodded. He then turned and snapped the reins. Scarlett placed her hands on her stomach lovingly. She was ready for the child. She only wished her shape wouldn't be so big! It was obvious that with the shape of her stomach now, it would be horrendously big when it came time for birth. She excited herself by thinking of the child's future. If it were a girl, she name it Katie, regardless of what Rhett said. There was only one reason a child should have such a beautiful name, if they were a beautiful child. Scarlett had no doubt in her mind that this would be the most beautiful child by far. If it were a boy, she'd name it Gerald. It was a shame that Bonnie couldn't have been a boy. She was so much like Gerald in every way. Surely if Bonnie had been a boy, Scarlett would've named her Gerald. She hummed to herself and rocked back and forth as if holding the real baby. She imagined little Katie as beautiful, gentle, and sweet. Perhaps Rhett's popularity would make a spot for any Butler children in society. Any daughter of hers would be graceful and beautiful, and a southern belle of course. And they would marry of course! Scarlett had always imagine Bonnie and Beau married, if she never married Ashley. They would be perfect together! But this child would be married to a fine young man from a Confederate family, not a Yankee boy of course. However, a son would be more complicated. Scarlett hoped with all her heart for a son! Why she'd play with him, teach him, take care of him, and love him. And when he grew older, he'd have the finest education, and go to the finest college. And she would not permit him to marry anyone but the finest, prettiest, most sensible girl in all of Atlanta.

"Miss Scarlett! Ah's gettin' close to da meels. Der ya wan' me ter drop you ov hyah" he question interuppting her daydream.

"Oh yes! Thank you Uncle Peter" she smiled at him kindly before stepping down and smoothing her dress. She watche as Uncle Peter drove away and turned the mill merrily. She hoped she looked even prettier for Ashley. She felt around her face, including her hair to see if she was fine enough. Then she picked up her skirts and headed into the mills. Inside, it smelled of water and paper. Scarlett loved the smell for it was her mill and nothing pleased her more. She was proud of her mills, like a mother. She had bred them, primped them, and nurtured them and now they were much bigger. She did not smile at any of the free darkies who laughed and danced around. She paid them no attention and headed to Ashley's office. She could hear conversation going on and peeked in.

Ashley was standing next to his desk, his brow furrowed and his eyes frusterated. His hair was combed neatly and straight. It did not take a philosopher to know that Ashley was so busy and full of it these days. It worried Scarlett to see him in such a stance. Besides his expression, Ashley looked dreamily handsome, as always. He and Beau were exactly alike in any way. Scarlett turned toward the other gentleman. No wonder Ashley looked so flustered! It was a Yankee. This Yankee was one of her friend's husbands and was known to be a kind gentleman. But Scarlett despised him all the same. He was tall and pale with dark brown, a small beard, and cool brown eyes, not matching his personality. He was even more flustered and unhappy than Ashley. They were arguing in a sort of unfriendly way.

"Mr. Wilkes, you are lucky to have me as a customer. And I am telling you that if you do not send me the lumber for my business tomorrow, I will leave this business and go for another one. You know that you aren't the only lumber in Atlanta! I don't care what reason you have. This is business and I want it to stay there!" the Yankee told Ashley coldly.

"Is that all you think of? Business? Surely you must know that I am very poor, and I've got a wife and a boy to care for! I've also got three other customers who want to buy from me tomorrow as well. And they ordered yesterday! Just give me one more day and I promise!"

"I don't care what on Earth you promise! I don't care how hard you gotta work. And you shouldn't use your workers as an excuse. They are free to do what they want. Negroes aren't slaves to you dirty trash kind!" the Yankee roared at Ashley, coming closer.

Ashley's face showed nothing short of ugly rage. Scarlett half-expected to see him attack the awful Yankee. If she was him, she would've done it surely! But Ashley was too smart and respectable to do that. He did not need to end up in prison with Melanie and Beau to take care of. The Yankee shoved half of the papers on Ashley's desk onto the floor. Ashley's face widened for he had spent the entire morning cleaning them up. He wanted to slap the Yankee across the face, however he was a gentleman, and a gentleman he would remain, Yankee of not. He calmly bent over and picked up the loose papers. He then arranged them on the table and promised himself that he would reorganize them. He then faced the Yankee.

"I will have it for you by tomorrow if possible, but if I do, it will be barely before midnight" Ashley's voice was calm but stressed out and painful.

"That woman did much better than you did, at least she had sense" the Yankee muttered before grabbing his hat and coat of the rack.

Ashley watched calmly as he left. Scarlett hid behind the office as the Yankee passed by. He spit on the floor as he slammed the door. Scarlett stood back up from behind the post and walked toward the office. Ashley's head was down on the office table. Scarlett wondered if he was crying. She felt a pang in her heart as she opened the door. Ashley shot up with his eyes bloodshot and angry which faded as he saw her.

"Ashley" she whispered breezily.

"Don't come now Scarlett. Business isn't so great, you know" Ashley's voice was dull and emotionless.

Scarlett threw her bag down onto the floor and rushed to his side and got on her knees. Her annoyance at him left her soul and heart.

"Oh Ashley! He's a damned Yankee, but surely you must give him the lumber. He's a large customer, I remember. Please Ashley. Make those ridiculous darkies work harder. Promise them a better salary! Anything" Scarlett hissed.

Ashley looked up at her with pain in his eyes.

"Don't start in on me Scarlett, it's not all as easy as you think. I understand you're very, erm well, cold when it comes to business. But I can't do that Scarlett. I won't force my workers to work harder for my benefit" Ashley told her looking out.

"Oh don't be a fool Ashley! If you loose a customer, their wages go down. Come now, just make them work harder, or tell them to get on the road! You know most of them are so poor, they can't even own a house in Shantytown. You've got to be more stern. I know you can do it Ashley!" Scarlett encouraged sliding her hand against his arm.

"Oh don't do that Scarlett! Please, I can't bear it. I can't have you here so much! This is no place for a lady to be. Anyway, you don't need to loose your reputation. Remember? Oh Scarlett, that was the worst night. I don't know where people come with such cruel things. And my sister! My own sister! Scarlett, leave please" Ashley turned away from her.

"But Ashley! If you love me, why should it matter?" Scarlett cried throwing herself onto his chest.

"Stop it please! I can't do this Scarlett. I can manage this. It's better to be poor than disgraced! I want a place for Beau in society. I love my son very much Scarlett. If I had a daughter, it would be the same. I love children as Melanie does, and she and Beau mean the world to me! Please leave Scarlett. It's the only way. You're married, I'm married. Why can't it be that way dear? Why must you come to me after all these years. I don't mean to be cruel Scarlett, and I hope I'm not! But we need to be with our own families. Please dear?" Ashley was almost in tears now over the situation.

Scarlett was only stuck on one line. Melanie his world? But he loved her! Not Melanie. But yet...

"Ashley, do you love Melanie?" she asked him.

"I won't talk of these things Scarlett. If I say yes, you will cry and be hurt for the rest of your life. If I say no, you will use it against me and tell me to love you. I won't do it Scarlett. What of Rhett. Oh dear! Your Rhett. You love him! Why else would you marry him?" Ashley asked her pressing his hands into hers.

She wanted to cry that she did not love Rhett, and Rhett did not love her. She wanted to tell him that their marriage was over and teh only thing holding it together was... Bonnie? Who knew?

"Leave now Scarlett. I am busy. I've had quite a day. I'm not trying to be mean to you dear. Your a dear friend and I feel much for you. But we must go on from this. We must!"

Scarlett did not want to hear another word, so she fled form the office. Her dress was dragging along the ground and she was sobbing. How could Ashley be so cruel, so hateful? All this time, she had devoted herself to him, and yet he had devoted himself to Melanie! It couldn't be true. Suppose he loved Melanie! But he didn't love Melanie! He couldn't, he loved her! Or did he? Uncle Peter was nowhere to be found so Scarlett knew she would walk home. Even worse! What was left to live for, to love? Scarlett's eyes automatically wandered down to her stomach. She embraced it lovingly and cried harder. Oh what a fool she was! She couldn't have Ashley! She simply couldn't. Although she hated to admit it, Melanie had him. Melanie and Beau. Why should she interfere when all it was going to do was make her cry?

"But he's mine! He's got to be!" Scarlett shouted out, not caring if anyone should hear. But this was wrong.

When had she ever had Ashley? Perhaps when he was young, he had loved her. But he still loved her! He had to. And if she worked at it, she could have him. She belonged to him! Didn't she? She loved him and he loved her! They should belong together. However, she was married to Rhett, unhappily. She hated Rhett! Yet she belonged to him, he knew her, he had her child. What other reason was there that a woman should belong to a man? And what did she own? This child she was carrying surely! The road seemed to get longer and rockier. The dark sky was setting it. Scarlett wanted to fall back and rest. What belonged to her? Bonnie belonged to Rhett, Wade and Ella belonged to Aunt Melly. Yet what belonged to her? Scarlett looked down at her stomach and her mind filled with happiness and love, above anything she had ever felt. She stood up and felt as though she were back at Tara, weak and hungry, tired, and helpless. She picked up her pace and faced the heavens with all her heart. There was something that belonged to her. She coudl not have Rhett, Ashley, Wade, Ella, or Bonnie. Yet there something to keep her living. Something to focus on and keep her family. Yes, it was her child. Her own youngster that she would love and raise. One that would walk beside her and listen to her! The child she was carrying belonged to her, and to her only. Rhett would not touch this child! He would not know of this child. It was hers. She wouldn't think of Ashley or anyone else, unless she was thinking of the new baby. No one else seemed to matter. This one belonged to her.


	6. Les Miserables

It was a week after the visit to the mills and Scarlett was feeling miserable. Ashley's words still rung in her head and it hurt her. The outside was dark and gray, and about to rain. But nevertheless, Wade and Ella ran out and played. They appeared to love the rain. Scarlett was completely still, not wanting to even move a single muscle. It hurt to much. Her nausea was mostly gone, and was replaced by silent nervous quiverings, which hurt worse. Her nausea was also replaced by frailness, and mucsle aching. Although she was heartbroken, Scarlett wanted Rhett. It was the first in all the pregnancy where she had wanted him. She felt no love, no warm feelings, however regret and unhappiness when she thought of that dark curious face. She told herself that it was because she hated him, however, she refuesd to accept the truth. She missed him and wanted him, just as she had when he had left her room. Her mind did not fill with despair at the thought of Melanie any longer. What was the point of hating her? What was it going to get her? Scarlett now understood that even if Melanie were dead, she could not have Ashley. Ashley was too busy being respectable to look at her.

Scarlett teared up at the thought of respectability. She had been so lonely since she was with this child. Her new friends were slowly pulling away from her. She did not care, she no longer desired such people to be around her child. A week ago, she had dedicated herself to the well-being of the baby. It never hit her why she would do such a thing. As far as Scarlett could remember, when everyone would fondle around babies, she would slip away. What made her love this child so blindly?

She could not understand why, why should she love this child if she did not love Wade and Ella? Perhaps she knew that they already belonged to someone, which they did. Their young hearts held no space for her, or so she thought. But in matter, the two youngsters playing outside, glumy wished that she would come out of the house and play with them. Or perhaps it was because she had convinced herself that their love would never matter. Oh what a fool she was! Wasn't it queer what never seems important in the beginning, is truly the one thing that matters in the end? But the love of children, important? Why? Because children are a blessing to those who will take them. Isn't that what Melanie said? But Wade and Ella could be nothing more than a burden to her, one more mouth to feed, one more person to look after. But this child felt different.

This child wasn't one to take up space, it filled it in. It filled Scarlett's now almost empty heart. Her mind filled with digust. Her and.. this child? That could not be. Every woman needs someone who loves them and they can love just as equally, and certainly not in a way you would love a child! Scarlett looked back into the mirror. She touched it. h=How cold and simple it was, like she felt. There was a thundering in the distance, and at the same moment, one in her heart. She then examined herself. It was afternoon, however Scarlett did not take time to gussy up so she would her prettiest. She looked pale with her usually rosy cheeks a hollow white. Her eyes showed no happiness, but now showed the feeling of a poor starving woman. She shivered violently to remember those awful days at Tara. All that hunger, and work that nearly made her die! Oh how fortunante she was! To have a beautiful home with lots of flowers and the sounds of happiness. But how unlucky, in the same way.

She had no lover, no friends, no person to talk to besides Mammy. What more could be taken away from someone like Scarlett O'Hara. Suppose she had known what was to happen to her? Why, she'd never have married that foolish Charles, or become attatched to Melanie. She'd get Ashley! She'd never be with Rhett, thank God. But what would happen to her? Like the respectable man he was, Ashley would marry Melanie all over again and Scarlett would be in an even bigger heartbreak. Scarlett suddenly pushed the bonnet she was working on onto the floor and let out a sob. She did not want to cry, but something in her, forced it out and she was sobbing at the top of her voice. She didn't want to devote herself to any children. How unhappy she would be! And Rhett's child! Oh why was life so difficult and unpredictable. Scarlett then looked up into the mirror after a long period of sobbing.

She picked up the bonnet and gathered herself together. She was strong, she was hearty. She could do anything. She could handel this. Surely Ashley couldn't have meant what he said! Scarlett cursed herself for being so stupid. Why he was just frusterated with the Yankee and the business. He never said he loved Melanie did he? Scarlett rose and smiled. It would be just like the old days, with her devoting herself to Ashley, living with Rhett, being kind to Bonnie, and loving to the new baby. She would treat them well, and maybe even Rhett with some serenity, yet she would go for Ashley. Yes! She would do that. It suddenly all made sense to her. She would even be kind to Melanie if it were necessary. Yes, then she would be happy! Sure enough, her spirits soared higher and she felt at peace again, as if nothing happened. Oh she was such a fool! What a fool she was! She laughed merrily. Yes, surely!

Suddenly, her mind spun when she saw that Ella and Wade were not playing alone. A blonde boy that could only be Beau was playing with them. Perhaps Melanie had been busy and sent him over to play, but Melly was not one to be busy. Scarlett's happiness died down when she noticed Uncle Peter's cart parked in front. Fear filled her mind. Surely Melly was here! Not ever had she thought of Melanie coming and the idea scared her worse than having to face Sherman and his army in battle. Her body trembled, her lips turned white and she felt her legs slipping underneath her. She could not catch herself and she fell backwards, onto the bed. Then she got back up, with more strength than she knew herself to have. _Oh what a fool I am! _Scarlett thought disgusted_. I'm scared of Melanie! A little ninny scares me? Ha! She'd sooner scare off the Yankee government than me! _Of course, the little fool wanted to talk. What on Earth did she want? She then realized it had been two months since they had even seen each other. Scarlett wished it would drag on longer, but there are dreams that just can't be granted among those who wish for them.

Scarlett rushed to the bedroom door and bushed in open with all of her might. Her eyes spun when she was not Melanie but India. Scarlett could not believe it at all. India Wilkes! In her home! It seemed more impossible than the sky falling. Scarlett tried to slam the door, but India blocked it. Scarlett was frightened by India's dark, disapproving expression. Scarlett felt no quivering, but instead angry rage.

"What are you doing here India, where's Melly?" Scarlett looked around.

"She's not inside" India answered plainly.

"You still haven't answered my question" Scarlett pointed out with a cruel smile "Come here to beg for money?"

India slammed her fist onto Scarlett's nighttable.

"I would never beg for money from a-a-a scoundrel like you" India shouted. Her expression nearly made Scarlett laugh.

"Don't you dare laugh! I hate you and you know I do, but I don't care. You think you're so high and mighty! I didn't come here for you! Pitty forced me to come and to assist Melly. And I did, good-bye" India paused as if to see what Scarlett would say next.

"Tied unto old Grandma's apronstrings. I didn't know you were that weak" Scarlett told her.

She watched as India's plain face turned angry with the largest rage anyone could think of. As much as Scarlett hated India, she could not think of why she had said anything of the sort to her. These were the sort of things Rhett told her! And yet she repeated them, to India? However she made no effort to apologize, and the revenge of Stuart and all the miseries of poverty took over India. She lunged at Scarlett without thinking of her respectability and ladyhood. She tried to hit her but missed. Scarlett, seeing the expression in India's face, yelled out. A few seconds after she cried out, the door opened. And who should come but... Melanie? Yes, it was Melanie! The look in Melanie's eyes dazzled Scarlett. A mixture of undying devotion, blinded hate, and loving admiration. Scarlett stumbled back into her chair and watched Melanie grab India, trying to calm her. India tried to free herself of Melanie, but even the small frail arms now seemed strong enough to take on a pack of lions. India pushed Melanie back in retalliation. Scarlett was hardly surprised to small body stumble backwards into the dresser. India didn't move from her position and blinked a few times. Melanie stood up again and walked over to India. Scarlett watched in bewilderment as Melanie approaced India and raised her hand. With all her little might, her hand fell across India's pale face in a sharp, loud sound. Scarlett felt her entire body go numb at the sound and her face went pale. India was no better than Scarlett, and allowed Melanie to drag her out of the room. Scarlett tried to speak, to stand, but fell backwards back into her chair. And before she could even move, tears flooded her face.

Scarlett let out no sound when she sobbed, only the tears rolled down her marble cheeks. It was horrible, but she could nothing to stop it. The sound of movement below was getting softer every second, which made Scarlett cry harder. She did not know why she was crying. Perhaps for eveything, Rhett and Bonnie being gone, Ashley refusing her, her vow, and Melanie. Scarlett shivered violently at the thought. Her mind filled with dread at the thought of it. Melanie could mean no more to her than a figure in the way of her complete happiness. And now she felt... guilt?

Scarlett pushed herself upwards. This could not be! All her life, she had resented Melanie, hated her even, and wished her dead. She thought Melanie a fool for not seeing anything of it. Now she saw Melanie as everyone saw her. A kind, small figure. Maybe even more, a heavenly angel if possible. But how could Melanie be a heavenly angel, when she was so... Scarlett paused for a second in her thought. What? So what? For the first time, Scarlett almost believed Melanie to be nearly flawless. However, it made no more sense than the division between man and woman. The more she thought about it, the more she was confused. Why think of this now? Of all times? Scarlett blindly remembered the look in Melanie's eyes. Tears flooded out of her eyes and rolled down her cheeks.

The gray skys seemed endless, like Scarlett's thought. Her mind reached into her own soul and compared it to Melanie's. Her harsh, one-way, arrogant, spritied personality, compared to Melanie's kind, strong, accepting, sister-like was almost painful to think of. Scarlett wondered to herself why she thought this way. Melanie never mattered to her, and should have never mattered to her! Melanie! Melanie had never meant more to her than a nuisance, like Rhett. Whereas, she had meant more to Melanie than Pitty, India or any of her other female friends. She only came after Ashley and Beau for Melanie. She wondered if she came like that for Ashley. As soon as she thought it, she diminished it. She then wondered how she could be so cruel as to think of Ashley, when Melanie had been there always instead of him, fighting for her. If it were any other day, Scarlett would've thought herself crazy, but she did not. Scarlett walked over to the fireplace, and almost enjoyed the freezing cold it brought. She deserved it more than ever now. She began to wonder if her ways were wrong. Why did Melanie trust her so much, if she hated her so much. Scarlett began to wonder if Melanie should die, what would she do? The idea filled her with uncomfortableness and unhappiness. Why? Maybe because she could never have Ashley even if Melanie were dead! But she didn't want Ashley now. She wanted Melanie. How wrong she was! But how could she love Melanie and Ashley?

"Maybe I don't love Ashley" Scarlett murmured dusting the top of the fireplace with her even colder hands.

This idea infulged her. How could she not love Ashley! She loved him for many years! His love brought her happiness, courage, fear, desperation. Or was it his? Perhaps the love of.. someone else? Ashley did not leave her mind, but Rhett entered, unjustly. The thought of Rhett stirred no feeling in her. She was frightened by this. She should feel angry, rushed, or possibly even relieved. But she felt nothing, no matter how much she tried. Suddenly, her hand brushed along a leather cover. She recognized it as Rhett's. Slowly, she picked it up and opened it. She was suddenly startled, it was a portrait of her and Rhett on their wedding day. Scarlett examined herself. She looked beautiful in bright ribbons and her almost colorful wedding dress. Melanie was standing next to her with the largest, happiest smile Scarlett had ever seen on her. Rhett's expression was exhaling. His eyes full of... love? His smile full of passion and he looked more handsome than she had ever seen him. Even Wade looked happy, almost like Beau who was standing next to him. She tried to remember if her wedding day was a happy one. It was sure much happier than her two previous ones. She could now hardly remember the day, except how happy she was to be free of poverty, but much less on being Rhett's wife. It was because of that she should've been that, but like a fool she wasn't. Yes! That's what she was a fool. Scarlett herself was surprised by her own bold language. She knew Rhett had loved her back then, but would he love her now that she had bullied him and kicked him out of her bedroom? He had too! Didn't she love Ashley all these years even though she knew she could never have him!

Suddenly the door and Melanie walked in, her face full of loving concern and kindness, one that Scarlett had only seen in her own mother. It felt so wonderful to see it again after all these years of hardship. She began to cry relentlessly over again. Like a gentle mother, Melanie held Scarlett to her breast, calming and soothing her. Scarlett did not recline this offer, for she now understood, and wanted Melanie more than ever. She cried harder than she ever had. She could not hold it in any longer, she had to say something. The fact that she had been so cruel to Melanie could not escape her. She tried to gather together, and of course burst into tears. She had to tell Melanie! She could never be relieved until she did! Suppose Melanie should hate her afterwards! That was something Scarlett could never lose! She would just die. But then again, Melanie had thought she had her friendship all the while through...

"Melanie darling?"

"Yes dear?" Melanie answered soothingly.

Scarlett broke away from the comforting arms and sat up in her chair and looked Melanie in the eyes. The feeling was unbearable and dreadful, but it had to happen.

"There's something I must tell you" Scarlett told her.

Melanie nodded and sat back to listen.

"Go on dear, I'm listening"

Melanie closed the door of the Butler mansion and stood outside for a moment, and stared at it. She felt a sharp pang inside, as if someone had stabbed her. Scarlett. Melanie's mind did not fill with hate at the thought of her, but it should. Melanie scolded herself for even thinking of hating Scarlett. She had been there for an hour at least, listening to Scarlett's painful tears and words. She spoke of her jealousy, anguish, fear, and of course, guilt. Melanie began to walk. Scarlett had finally told her the story that she had been waiting to tell. The story of her, Ashley, Melanie, Rhett, Charles and almost everyone else. Melanie felt nothing but pity and kindness towards Scarlett. Scarlett had not told her any exact names or feelings, but Melanie knew she was talking of her. For some reason, it hardly affected her. It only made her understand Scarlett more. There was something, at the end of story. Melanie had felt empty and numb, when Scarlett begged her forgiveness at her feet and promised to be good the rest of her life. That was when Melanie realized it wasn't poor Scarlett's fault. She had only misunderstood. Melanie stood at the foot of her home, light-headed with a heavy heart. She needed to sleep. Melanie slowly turned the knob on her door and entered. Beau was at Aunt Pittypat's, and Ashley was at work. this left Melanie to herself. She entered her bedroom, and lay down in her bed, feeling much warmer than before. Her feeling overwhelmed her heart. Her ragged copy of Les Miserables was next to her. She picked it up and wondered, if she had suffered what the characters in this book had, would she still be the gracious person she was? She thought of Scarlett, and of Rhett. What of them? They would most likely change. She opened up to a page and read what she saw aloud.

"If the soul is left in darkness, sins will be committed. The guilty one is not he who commits the sin, but the one who causes the darkness".


End file.
